Chapter 16 : The Price of Sacrifice
(Narrator : Josh)
Jessica is sitting on the couch, her shoulders slumped, and I can immediately tell something’s wrong. Her breathing is uneven, her hands trembling slightly. Suddenly, she sits up straight, bringing her hands to her face.
- Jessica: “We’re screwed… Josh, we’re completely screwed…”
Her voice is shaking, and I can see her eyes filling with tears. Before I can say anything, she breaks down, sobbing uncontrollably. Her breathing becomes faster, almost frantic. She pulls her knees to her chest, her whole body trembling like a leaf. I rush to her side, placing a firm hand on her shoulder.
- Josh: “Hey, Jess… Breathe. Look at me. Just breathe, okay?”
She shakes her head, unable to respond. Her words come out as a chaotic mess of despair and panic.
- Jessica: “It’s over… We’ve ruined everything… Everything’s going to blow up… What are we going to do?!”
I gently pull her into my arms, feeling her panic seep into me. Her body tightens against mine, her hands clutching my shirt as if it’s the only thing keeping her from falling apart. She’s trembling, and her ragged breathing brings a wave of guilt crashing over me that I can’t ignore.
This is my fault. All of it. I never should’ve sent that message.
I rock her slowly, trying to calm her trembling, but nothing seems to work. Every sob that escapes her feels like it’s splitting me in two. I whisper words I don’t even believe myself.
- Josh: “It’s going to be okay, Jess… I promise. We’ll get through this.”
But she keeps crying, her distress a painful reminder of how trapped we really are. I close my eyes, resting my cheek against her hair, trying to draw some kind of strength from her presence.
After what feels like an eternity, her sobs begin to subside. Her breathing, though still shaky, slows down. She pulls back slightly, but her hands stay locked onto my shirt, as if she’s afraid I might disappear. Her eyes are red, her face etched with a pain that’s almost too much for me to bear.
- Jessica (weakly): “Josh… I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry…”
Her apology cuts me to the core. I shake my head and gently take her face in my hands.
- Josh: “Stop that. You have nothing to be sorry for, Jess. We’re in this mess together. And we’ll get out of it together. Do you hear me?”
She nods slowly, but I can see in her eyes that she doesn’t entirely believe me. And honestly, I’m not sure I believe my own words either.
Jessica has calmed down, but the silence between us is anything but peaceful. She’s sitting on the couch, her legs pulled up to her chest, her face turned toward the window. I stay close, watching her every movement. She’s stopped crying, but her gaze is empty, her breathing still a bit uneven. She’s shattered… and I have no idea how to put her back together.
I stand up slowly, giving her some space, and grab my phone. Maybe checking the messages will give me some clue about what to do next. Big mistake.
The moment I unlock the screen, a flood of notifications hits me like a punch in the face. The group chat with the guys is buzzing, and the tone is both casual and… disgusting. The more I scroll, the more a quiet, seething anger starts to build inside me.
- Paul (text): “Dude, seriously, how long were you gonna hide the fact that you’re making her scream your name?!”
- Brice (text): “So, is she the freaky type or what?”
I freeze, reading and rereading the words as if they’re in a foreign language. My blood runs cold. They actually think that… about us? About Jess?! My jaw tightens, and I feel my fists clench at my sides. I don’t know if it’s rage or disgust, but something is boiling inside me, threatening to spill over.
They don’t get it. To them, this is just a joke, something funny. But… how dare they talk about her like that?!
I glance over at Jessica. She’s still sitting there, staring into space. She has no idea what’s unfolding on my phone, and I want to keep it that way. She doesn’t need to see this. She doesn’t deserve this.
I straighten up slowly, my mind racing in circles. An idea flickers at the edge of my thoughts—first just a whisper, then a blaring certainty. It’s something I would’ve never considered in any other situation, but now… it feels like the only option.
I turn to Jessica. She looks up at me, her eyes searching for something—maybe an answer, maybe comfort, maybe hope.
- Josh: “I’m going back to the army.”
She freezes, her eyes widening slightly, as if she didn’t hear me correctly.
- Jessica: “What?”
I take a deep breath, gathering every ounce of courage I have left.
- Josh: “I’m going to request reinstatement. There’s another deployment in three months. And I know I can get back in without too much hassle. If I leave, it’ll create the distance we need. It’ll give us an excuse to… to end this. They’ll understand why we ‘broke up.’”
Jessica sits up abruptly, her eyes filled with disbelief and fear.
- Jessica: “No. No, Josh. You can’t do that. You told me you never wanted to go back there. Not after… not after what you went through.”
Her voice shakes, and I can see the tears beginning to pool in her eyes.
- Jessica: “You still have nightmares, you… Josh, it would destroy you. And I… I can’t lose you, not like that.”
Her words hit hard. She’s right, and yet I know this is the only way out. I shake my head, clenching my fists to keep myself steady.
- Josh: “Then what, Jess? Keep lying until everyone figures it out and hates us? Look at where we are.”
She shakes her head, tears streaming down her face.
- Jessica: “It’s not your fault, Josh. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just… it’s just an impossible situation. But going back there isn’t the solution. It’ll break you even more.”
I drag a hand down my face, struggling to find the right words to make her understand.
- Josh: “Listen to me. I don’t want to go back, okay? But if that’s the price I have to pay to protect you, to protect both of us, then I’ll do it. Jess, I can’t just sit here and watch this destroy us. I have to do something.”
Jessica stares at me, her eyes full of desperation. She opens her mouth to argue, but no words come out. Finally, she curls back into herself, as if the weight of my decision has just crushed her. Her shoulders shake slightly, and I know she’s crying silently. I sit down beside her, but she doesn’t look at me.
She understands. She knows I’m right. But that doesn’t make it any easier.
I walk toward the door, grabbing my jacket. Jessica stays on the couch, her eyes following me. I can feel her despair like a shadow clinging to my skin, suffocating and relentless.
- Josh: “I’m going out for a bit. I need to clear my head. If you need anything… call me.”
She doesn’t respond. She just turns her gaze away, and that hurts more than I’m willing to admit. I step out of the apartment, closing the door softly behind me, as if even the sound might hurt her more.
The night air is cool, sharp against my skin, offering a faint clarity. I walk aimlessly, my hands stuffed into my pockets, my head down. Each step echoes in the silence of the street, amplifying the noise in my mind. Going back to the army. Returning there. Just the thought of it sends a heavy lump rising in my throat.
I stop near a bench, staring at the flickering light of a streetlamp in the distance. Memories from my last deployments come flooding back without warning. The dust, the screams, the cold weight of metal in my hands. The sleepless nights, where every sound felt like a threat. And most of all, the losses. Brothers I couldn’t save.
I shake my head violently, trying to push the memories away. But they’re carved into me, burned so deep they’ll never leave. Even if I go back—even if it’s for Jessica—there’s no escaping that weight. Can I really bear it again?
I take out my phone, turning it over in my hands without unlocking it. The messages from the guys keep blinking, notifications I can’t bring myself to read. Every buzz in my pocket is a cruel reminder of the trap we’ve fallen into. They’re so convinced, so certain of their version of the truth. How did it come to this?
I close my eyes for a moment, letting my thoughts drift to Jessica. I see her again, curled up on the couch, shattered, silently crying. It’s not the first time I’ve seen her like that, but this time… this time it’s worse. This time, it’s my fault.
I have to fix this. No matter what it costs me.