Chapter 20 - Burning from Within
(Narrator : Jessica)
I wake up late this morning, far later than usual. My body feels heavy, my eyelids glued shut, but none of that compares to the chaos swirling in my head. The memories of last night are disturbingly vivid, etched into my mind like they’re refusing to fade away.
I can remember every sound, every word I heard coming from Josh’s room. Fuck, Jess, why do you eavesdrop like that? Why can’t you just let it go? But it’s impossible. Those sounds, the muffled moans, Josh’s deep, husky voice, dripping with desire… I never thought he could sound like that.
It’s playing on repeat in my head, driving me insane.
I throw the covers off me in frustration, trying to shake off the images stuck in my mind. This isn’t me. This isn’t normal. It was just an awkward moment, nothing more… You shouldn’t even be thinking about it. But the harder I try to convince myself, the more I feel that faint twinge of shame mixed with… something else. A dull ache in my belly, something I refuse to name.
I end up sitting on the edge of my bed, letting out a heavy sigh. I rub my temples. Stop it, Jess. Focus on something else. But every time I try, the images creep back in. His voice, his words, the sound of their bodies… and most of all, that girl. Just thinking about her makes a spike of irritation shoot through me. She’s probably already gone, anyway… And yet, the mere thought of her makes my anger flare up all over again.
I finally head down to the kitchen, hoping to find some peace in a cup of hot chocolate or maybe something sweet. It’s already past ten, and I’m convinced that girl is gone. Just the thought of her leaving makes it a little easier to breathe. She’s probably back home, and I can finally claw back some semblance of normalcy.
But as I step into the living room, I freeze. She’s still here. Sitting comfortably at the table, casually dressed in nothing but an oversized T-shirt that barely covers her long legs. And… that’s it.
She’s eating. In my kitchen. Like she owns the place. My fists clench, the anger bubbling up inside me.
- Jessica (cold): “What are you still doing here? And where’s Josh?”
She flinches slightly but doesn’t lose her cool. Her expression remains relaxed, almost insolent, and she responds with a light, almost mocking smile.
- Girl : “Oh, hey! Josh is still asleep. I helped myself to something to eat; hope that’s okay with you.”
Okay with me? Are you serious? I take a deep breath, trying not to snap. But my eyes betray me, sliding over her without my consent. She’s gorgeous, with curves that instantly draw attention. Her breasts, way fuller than mine, seem almost defiant in that outfit.
Yeah, great idea, Jess. Compare yourself. That’ll totally help…
She notices where I’m looking and bursts out laughing.
- Girl (teasing) : “So, you’re his roommate? Wow, lucky you, sharing an apartment with him. That guy’s a god in bed. Seriously, I’d kill to live under the same roof as that hottie.”
Her words hit me like a slap. I stand there, frozen, unable to respond. The casual way she talks about Josh unsettles me, but I don’t even know why. My jaw tightens.
- Jessica (severely) : “Yeah, I’m his roommate. And you? Are you planning to leave anytime soon, or what?”
She laughs again, completely unfazed.
- Girl (nonchalantly) : “You’re funny. Let me guess—you’ve never slept with him, have you? You’re missing out. He’s the best I’ve ever had. But, well… too bad he seems to get attached a little too quickly. I’d rather end it before he gets the wrong idea, you know?”
Her words ignite something in me. A slow, burning anger that I can’t contain.
- Jessica (furious) : “You fucking bitch, how can you talk about Josh like that?!”
The girl bursts out laughing—a sharp, mocking laugh that echoes through the room, stoking my anger even more. She looks at me like I’m some child caught doing something wrong, that smug, arrogant smile plastered on her face.
- Girl (mocking) : “Oh, wait a second… I think I just figured it out.”
She pauses, eyeing me up and down, and I feel the heat rushing to my cheeks.
- Girl (provocative) : “You’re jealous, aren’t you? You want to fuck him and keep him all to yourself, huh?”
Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. I stammer, unable to string together a coherent response.
- Jessica (stammering) : “You… you’re talking nonsense… Me? Jealous? No, I mean…”
The words catch in my throat. My mind goes blank, replaced by a scorching shame I don’t fully understand. Why can’t I respond clearly? Why do her words rattle me so much?
She stares at me with a smug, satisfied grin, clearly enjoying my discomfort. My unease peaks, and I feel my hands trembling slightly. Just as I’m convinced this confrontation can’t get any worse, a door opens behind us.
Josh steps into the living room, his hair still messy. He looks groggy, like he’s just woken up, but his expression shifts immediately when he sees us.
- Josh (surprised) : “What’s going on here?”
His eyes dart between me and her, then back to me. It suddenly seems to dawn on him that he’s completely left me out of the equation.
The girl, still wearing that smug smile, gives him a casual wave.
- Girl (cheerful) : “Oh, nothing serious. Just a little girl talk.”
Josh narrows his eyes, confused, clearly trying to piece together what’s happening. But his relaxed demeanor—like my presence here is just some insignificant detail—only fuels my anger. How can he act like all of this is perfectly normal?
I meet his gaze, and a surge of frustration washes over me. That’s right, Josh. Keep pretending everything’s fine while you bring random strangers into our home and leave me to deal with the fallout. But then another thought hits me: Why does this piss me off so much? Why does this girl get under my skin like this?
I clench my fists, the anger simmering inside me, but the words stay stuck. I’m unsettled, lost, unable to figure out why this situation affects me so deeply.
Still playing her game, the girl turns to Josh with a mischievous smile.
- Girl (provocative) : “So, Josh, why didn’t you tell me you lived with such a hottie?”
She throws me a calculated glance, and I feel my cheeks flush with heat. Before Josh can respond, she continues, her tone even more teasing, her eyes sparkling with mischief:
- Girl (teasing) : “You know what? We could’ve had a threesome. I bet she wouldn’t have said no—and neither would you, right?”
I freeze, unable to believe what I just heard. Her words echo in my head, amplifying my embarrassment and anger. My thoughts spiral: Is she serious? Why am I not saying anything? Why can’t I respond?
I try to come up with a reply, but every word that comes to mind feels ridiculous, meaningless. I stammer something unintelligible…
- Jessica (stammering) : “That’s… completely ridiculous… Are you out of your mind or something?”
The girl bursts into laughter—a sharp, mocking sound that seems to fill the entire apartment. She steps closer, crossing her arms over her chest.
- Girl (amused) : “Oh, wow, you’re absolutely adorable when you’re embarrassed. You’ve never thought about asking him, have you? I mean, it would make sense. You live together, you share everything… Why not that too?”
My hands are trembling now, my heart pounding so hard it’s deafening in my ears. I glance at Josh, desperate for some kind of support, some kind of intervention, but he just stands there, frozen, clearly caught off guard. He runs a hand through his hair, looking like he has no idea how to handle this.
The girl isn’t letting up, still playing her game. She turns to Josh with a mock innocence:
- Girl (playing innocent) : “What, don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it? Seriously, you two would be so cute together. I mean, if you haven’t already, of course.”
She shoots me a sly glance, and I feel a wave of heat rising in my neck and spreading to my face.
- Jessica (furious) : “You’re completely insane! Stop talking shit!”
But my tone, instead of sounding confident, betrays my nervousness. The girl bursts out laughing again, clearly delighted by my distress.
- Girl (laughing) : “Oh wow, looks like I hit a nerve. Relax, sweetie, it’s just a joke… Unless you’re actually interested, that is?”
That’s it. I can’t take any more. My mind fogs under the weight of embarrassment, anger, and something else I refuse to name. I can’t find the words—I can’t even respond. All I want to do is escape.
I spin around without another word, storming through the living room. In my haste, I bump into a chair, but I don’t care. Behind me, Josh calls out:
- Josh (worried) : “Jess, wait!”
I hear him, but I don’t stop. My only priority is to get out of there—away from them, away from this unbearable situation. My thoughts are a whirlwind: What the hell is going on? Why am I reacting like this?
I slam the door behind me, leaving Josh and his guest behind. I rush down the stairs, my legs shaking slightly from the flood of emotions. Once I’m outside, the cold air hits my face, but it’s not enough to calm the storm raging inside me. My heart is pounding, and I feel the tears start to sting my eyes.
What the fuck just happened? Why is this affecting me so much? Why does it hurt like this?